My 2017 Complete Movie List: #114 – #101

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Alright, since that is over with we can move on….Since 2017 has now come and gone, I must (yes must), once again, give out the complete list of movies that I saw from the past year and rank them from worst to first. I’ve seen 114 of the movies that were released in 2017 as I write this (I had some slippage compared to 2016 smh) so I will post the list in pieces over the next several, SEVERAL days. Below you’ll see #114 – #101 a.k.a. THE BOTTOM 14 MOVIES OF 2017.

 

114. A Ghost Story

  • There’s a scene where M (Rooney Mara) eats a pie for about 5 minutes…
  • This was two sentences removed from being a silent film
  • Thank the lord this movie wasn’t a second longer
  • The message and delivery of this movie is just way too slow and boring for me
  • This movie is a legit painting: nothing really happens, it’s boring to look at but many people like how it conveyed its message
    • Not me
  • To Sum it Up: I don’t know if this is indeed the worse movie of the year but for ME it is because it’s easily the most unwatchable

113. Jeepers Creepers 3

Smh…for my thoughts on this terrible movie, listen to Leo B. Gyllenhaal Podcast – 2017s 10 Worst Movies (Episode 83)

112. Flatliners

Smh…for my thoughts on this terrible movie, listen to Leo B. Gyllenhaal Podcast – 2017s 10 Worst Movies (Episode 83)

111. The Bye Bye Man

  • Why was Elliot’s (Douglas Smith) niece at his college house party?
  • Our group young adults in this one said the Bye Bye Man’s name once kind of in passing and after that, they knew he was the reason for what was going on…seriously?
  • The story development, acting and script were all atrocious
  • Liked the mind twist at the end where Elliot actually killed his girlfriend and not his buddy
  • How’d the black guy, John (Lucien Laviscount), survive the fire at the end? And why did Carrie–Anne Moss this movie? She was in just 3 scenes
  • To Sum it Up: Horrible scary movie; Plain in simple

110. A Cure for Wellness

  • Way too long and confusing
    • I had no clue what I watched when I left the theater
    • Being confused at a long movie can make the runtime feel like 15 hours and 36 minutes…give or take a couple minutes
  • I like Dane Dehaan but he let this sucky movie take ahold of him and force him into a sucky performance
  • Even after watching explanation videos, I finally got what the movie was trying to say but it was executed very poorly, there was way too much to be explained and ultimately, I wasn’t pleased with what everything turned out to be
  • To Sum it Up: Movie was trash

109. Fifty Shades Darker

  • The music during the “intimate” scenes was out of place and too up tempo
  • The dialogue was awful, but it wasn’t as painfully awful as it was in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ because there wasn’t as many opportunities for ridiculous conversations to arise about “contracts” or whatever
  • The movie was pretty pointless with not much real tension or conflict
    • Nothing major happened besides their stupid, annoying relationship growing
  • Dakota Johnson was back in rare form with the bad acting
  • To Sum it Up: A bad movie that probably wasn’t as sucky or entertainingly bad as its predecessor because of the lack on unintentional humor. It was just there

108. The Meyerowitz Stories

Smh…for my thoughts on this terrible movie, listen to Leo B. Gyllenhaal Podcast – 2017s 10 Worst Movies (Episode 83)

107. Rings

  • To start the movie out, Samara (Bonnie Morgan) comes through a cockpit screen? Alright, I know from jump what time of garbage I’m about to get into
  • The original “video” should have been showed all the way through because it’s been years since ‘The Ring’ and some people might need a reminder or refresher
  • Julia (Matilda Lutz) said her and her wack boyfriend were going to Skype chat and then when they did chat, they were using a generic video chat. IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO USE SKYPE THEN DON’T SAW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
  • Our leading lady, Lutz, just isn’t a good actress
  • It’s cool they came up with another “video” for this one
  • Predictable horror twist at the very end.
    • Never a happy ending
  • To Sum it Up: The franchise takes another step back but I hope there’s no more step backs taken a.k.a. There needs to be no more movies

106. Unforgettable

  • Katherine Heigl was crazy but not crazy enough to be entertaining in this wack movie
    • Her motives were odd and what was even more odd is why she decided to kill herself in the end
  • When things started to actually seem like they were ascending to a climactic point, the movie was about to end
  • There was no smooth descent into the crazy reveal for Tessa
    • Slightly more crazy things started to happen as the movie went on and next thing you know, we’re at the end
  • The abusive ex-boyfriend of Julia (Rosario Dawson) plot point was made to be a big deal (the movie even opened with it) but when Julia finally comes face to face with him, the situation ends quickly and isn’t a factor going forward
  • Takes itself way to seriously
  • To Sum it Up: In a not so surprising turn of events, the movie was the complete opposite of its title, forgettable

105. The Snowman

  • Michael Fassbender and Rebecca Ferguson looked and sounded uninterested in being in this movie
  • I hate the names of some of the characters. Just look them up and try not to agree
  • Some upbeat music was played during one scene and it felt very out of place
  • Why was J.K. Simmons in this? He too big of an actor to randomly play such a worthless character
  • The serial killer in the spotlight was waster. He was forgotten about a lot while the weak plot was focused on
  • Wasn’t mad at the reveal of who the killer is
  • To Sum it Up: Whoever did the trailer for this should be commended because they made this trash movie look very interesting

104. The Dark Tower

  • There’s a typical “bully approaches weird, loser kid” scene but I like how the weirdo immediately starts beating up the bully. I guess that bully will think twice next time before he takes his sketch book
  • I thought its short run time would mean a fast-paced action movie…nope
  • It’s like the producers wanted this movie to play like a boring pilot to their “planned” ‘Dark Tower’ film series. Bad idea
  • The way too obvious CGI moments were saved for the end for action scenes that weren’t even good
    • There was one cool moment that involved a gun shot and bullets bouncing off each other
  • Matthew McConaughey looked worse here than he did in ‘Dallas Buyers Club’
  • How do you give Idris Elba a gun and he doesn’t come off as cool?
    • That’s how you know this movie is bad
  • To Sum it Up: Boring, lifeless movie. The $60 million budget must have just went to pay the two big stars

103. Friend Request

  • The movie took itself too seriously, especially for what the movie is about
  • Includes some creepy imagery that reminded me of ‘The Ring’
  • A Facebook central movie like this seems past its time
  • Why did everyone around Laura (Alycia Debnam Carey) actually think she was to blame for everything that happened. Come on y’all, use sense
  • It needed to actually show all the kills/attacks and make the ones we did see better
  • The last act felt like it took a lifetime to end. Maybe that was because I was getting tired
    • Either way, this short movie was still too long
  • The last moment of the movie was stupid and seems like they wanted to force a “cool” ending
  • Carey looks like she should be an Olsen sister. Just sayin’
  • To Sum it Up: I expected this to be a bad horror movie and I wasn’t let down

102. You Get Me

  • Only watched this because Bella Thorne is in it
  • There is a scene where some background device is playing the most generic basketball play-by-play I’ve ever heard. It was too ridiculous to not point out
  • What happened to the whole “I’m pregnant” thing when Holly (Thorne) told Alison (Halston Sage) about her and Tyler (Taylor John Smith)?
    • Alison didn’t bring that up when she confronted Tyler
    • I sounded like a gossipy teenage white girl talking about this
  • Holly was crazy because because her character was written to be labeled “crazy”. She didn’t really come off as that crazy though
  • Should have been on Lifetime too
  •  To Sum it Up: I’ve seen this movie many times. This one might be the most uninspired version or maybe I’m just saying that because it’s the one I watched most recently

101. Monster Trucks

  • Meredith (Jane Levy) was forced in the movie in an unsubtle way
    • It’s like they tried to be different and not go with the typical crush route…well at least from the point of view of the main character
  • I like ‘Don’t Breathe’ I wasn’t a fan of her in this one
  • Still don’t know why Tripp’s dad (Lucas Till) left in the first place
  • Very generic kid movie score/soundtrack
  • Why did Danny Glover subject himself to this and just to do a small role at that?
  • I think Lucas Till was playing a 16 year old in this and if so, that is awful
  • Unenthusiastic action to match a “bleh” movie
  • Wasn’t noticeably, in your face horrible as I expected
    • This should have been a TV movie instead
    • It’s the type of dull movie that is hard to give your full attention to
  • To Sum it Up: I’m no way a monster truck fan but it still upsets me that this is how they made a movie about the property

 

My 2017 Complete Movie List: #100 – #91

 

(Photo Credit: https://drunkinagraveyard.com/2017/02/08/rings-2017/; Kevin Burwick – https://movieweb.com/jeepers-creepers-3-director-producer-feud-canceled-premiere/; Cody Hamman – http://www.joblo.com/horror-movies/news/bella-thorne-has-a-dangerous-obsession-in-the-you-get-me-trailer-224)

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